So these past three weeks that Alex has been in school we have found out quite a bit. We love Kirksville. I could write a whole post on Kirksville and the things I love about it. Alex LOVES medical school. He loves KNOWING about things and being able to apply them to real life situations and just being knowledgable. He is so great about studying and staying on top. He took his first full out exam already in BioChemistry and got an 87% which is pretty good if you ask me. A lot of students settle for a lot less so they can study for all the other classes they have exams in. Alex is studying right now at 9:30 pm at the school on a Saturday cuz he has an Anatomy exam on Monday and doesn't study on Sundays. He really is dedicated to this stuff and is so willing to sacrifice having fun for learning. We both know that sacrificing now and investing in our futures will really pay off. I am so grateful for a husband who works so hard and wants his family to have a good life.
Another thing we have learned is that I'm not doing as well as I thought I was at the beginning. The first few weeks here were so easy. I had Alex here with me all the time and we did everything together. We adjusted to the area together and made friends together. Then he started school and I've been trying to keep up with everything still and it's actually been really hard. Whoever says that medical school as a wife is not that hard... they're wrong. It is so hard. It's a lot like being a single mom for a lot of the time. Alex gets up early in the morning and starts studying at breakfast while I am running around getting myself ready, Kyle ready, breakfast for all of us, feeding Kyle, making Alex a lunch and finally feeding myself right before we head out the door about 7:30 am, to get Alex to school so I can have the car to run errands, go to exercise group, SAA activities or whatever else I need to do. After Alex finishes his classes and studies a few hours at school I go to pick him up, usually around 5:00 pm. I make a quick dinner, we eat and then I have an hour to talk to Alex and he has time to play with Kyle, until he goes down to study for another few hours. Then, if I'm lucky, he finishes in time for us to talk or watch something before it's already time for bed. The worst part is that when we have "breaks" like Labor Day, it's just a day for Alex to catch up on his studying.
I don't want to sound negative or make this whole blog to be a complaint. But with all the time Alex spends away from home and at home studying, it leaves a lot of time for me to do... a lot of stuff, by myself. Taking care of Kyle takes up a lot of that time, but quite honestly, even with all the friends I've made out here, I feel a loneliness now that I've never felt in my life. One of the greatest things that has kept me going through these past weeks has been having a goal. Having the motivation to keep trying, keep growing, and keep moving towards something. I have had to come up with projects, hobbies, and lots more things. Something that really has affected me just today though, is something that President Gordon B. Hinckley said his father told him on his mission. "Forget yourself and go to work." The times that I feel the worst and the loneliest is the times when I'm feeling sorry for myself and giving myself every reason in the world not to do something. I have to laugh now at one experience I had with "forgetting myself and going to work". I was having a particularly hard day and feeling like I just needed to talk to Alex, cry it out, and have him give me a big hug, so I texted him and asked him to call me. I then texted him why my day had been so hard and frustrating. He followed it with a text that said, "Keep with it Sarah. I'll be home in a couple hours." I was so mad! I wanted him to drop everything and come save me! So in my anger I started doing the dishes while grumbling in my head "yeah fine! I'll keep with it! This is me keeping with it. I'll show him. Doing it all! Keeping with it!" Then I moved to the other rooms in the house and cleaned and cleaned and by the time I was done, I was happy again. I don't know when the change happened, but I do know that through doing it, I forgot myself and was going to work.
Hopefully I can keep working on that goal. To forget myself and go to work. I do have days planned that I can take off and pamper myself or spend special time with Kyle and Alex, but I plan to let myself work and serve. To have the missionaries over for dinner. To babysit for someone so they can go to the temple. Also I plan to learn and study myself. I plan to study the scriptures and learning about nutrition and how to eat healthy and keep my body well, and Alex eating good things even during finals weeks.
Even though this time has been a huge sacrifice for me and Alex both, I know that it's where we need to be right now, and I can't imagine doing it for anyone else. I love you Alex!!
4 comments:
I think you are a very brave lady! And I'm glad to hear that you're finding ways to help you stay on top of things. It is not easy being a mother and a homemaker. I struggle with it often and don't feel like I am 'making' it. But you have to push along anyway because it's not one of those things you can just walk away from (not that you would really want to, but a break would be nice). Those are some great goals too! I should be more selfless and think of things like that to do. Good luck with everything!
Oh sweetie, how I feel you. We aren't doing medical school, but I did go back to school so I'm doing 15 hour days with work and school. It's SO hard to be away from Brad that long and try to stay up on everything else. I keep trying to tell myself that whole "this too shall pass" and "be for thy good/benefit" schpeel...but it's not always easy to convince yourself. So if you ever need someone to complain to, feel free :) I'm totally here for you. You can do it!
I know how you feel! Except Jared is working ALL the time. And it's going to get worse through the next few months. For me though.. I spent the first year of our marriage completely alone while Jared was in Iraq. I figure if I can do a year in Iraq, then I can do him working from 7am to sometimes 8pm or even later.
I do still get lonely though, especially at night when everyone else's husband is home and I'm just sittin' on the couch twiddling my thumbs. My therapy is to put a good movie on, something that makes me happy and smile and it snaps me right out of my funk. My goal is to be the best supportive wife I can be, since I can't expect him to work his butt off to provide for the family and then complain about it. Wish I was perfect at it though! ;-)
I'm so glad your loving Kirksville and that Alex is enjoying med school! Sounds just like our situation in WA. I'm sorry its been hard while Alex is in school. Thats pretty normal I guess, but its good to find that personal time to help you grow as well. Its a tough lesson to learn, but it will be worth it for us. Now I just have to focus on more important things than what I have been. Good luck and thanks for all your updates! Its fun keeping in touch with others in the same situation! :)
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